he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
operation harelip BJ is a go
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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