It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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