shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
