Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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