bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
