Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
