Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
