How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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