new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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