There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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