I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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