I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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