You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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