id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
