lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
