So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
As shirtless as possible
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
