just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
