Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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