I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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