Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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