Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
