Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
