Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
