FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
