erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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