I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
