I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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