I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize