Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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