yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
