It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
