Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
