Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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