It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
