She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
