Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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