new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
