I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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