I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
