i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
