he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize