I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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