we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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