the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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