This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize