You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
