Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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