Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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