He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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