Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
