I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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