Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
