i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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