I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
