Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
