I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
