He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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