i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Damn victory sex feels great
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
