That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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