I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
