Can Purell be used as lube?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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