i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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