I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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