ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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