i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
