my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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