take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
