I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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