New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
