you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
