i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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