Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
