i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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