I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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