On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
