I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
