Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
