Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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