They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
