Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
