Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
