I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
