omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
