you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
do nipples grow back?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
