I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
