remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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