She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
